The Chronicles of Closet Twihards: Episode II
by imperial violets
Summary: The Chronicles of Closet Twihards: Episode II: Been Caught Reading. A trip to the bookstore should never be this difficult, but for a closet Twihard, there is no other way.


A/N:

Constantia and I would like to thank all of those who had left a review for Episode I. We appreciate it very much.

Also please check out our other stories, they are a little different, but you just might enjoy them.

We hope you will enjoy Episode II of The Chronicles of Closet Twihards, Been Caught Reading.

This story is based on real, but over exaggerated accounts at the books store. Whose accounts? We will not tell!

In the endnotes you will find the title of Episode III, so please read and review. The more reviews we get the faster we will post our next episode.

Constantia and imperial violets

We don't not own any of the books mentioned in this story, they belong to the respected authors. But, we do own Velvet McDazzle, hypothetically of course.

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I am your average woman. I buy two percent milk, like to sing in the shower (and only in the shower), and I hate junk mail. I had already gone through fifteen facebook updates, two emails from my mother, three author updates from , and a message about finding my soul mate with the new and vastly improved datenet. All of which was incredibly uneventful. Now, the only email left unread in my inbox was from Chapters.

Usually I skim over their emails to see if there were any special offers, and then delete them from my inbox, but today was different. In large capital letters in the subject box of the email were the words 'BREAKING DAWN SPECIAL EDITION'. Now, I already had a copy of _Breaking Dawn_ but not a _special edition_. My Twi-senses started tingling and all I could think of was a trip to the bookstore and my faithful motto '_teacher's discount_'.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I pulled open the front door with my shoulders back and my head held high. _I love the smell of books in the morning._ I walked in and stood by the entrance where I could see all the labeled categories and stacks of books. I knew I would find _Breaking Dawn_ in the teen fiction section where they pilled what seemed like hundreds of _Twilight Saga_ books on a single table. Now I needed a game plan. I never made my way into the teen fiction section without one. We English teachers had to maintain our rep.

Normally I would pass through the new fiction section on my way to the teen fiction and then quickly make my way over to the biographies. During this time I would had picked up not only Stephanie Meyer's latest guilty pleasure novel, but a sophisticated looking, award winning, thought provoking novel based on some kind of historical event that makes me look intelligent and stuck up by simply reading the back cover. I still hadn't admitted to being a Twihard and could not bring myself to face the cashiers with a Twilight book in hand if I didn't at least have a literary classic in the other.

As I began my usual route through 'New Fiction' someone caught my eye. Reading the synopsis of _The Life of Pi _next to the cheesy 'No Vampires Aloud' table was Wendy- the head of the English department at the high school where I worked. She was standing there, intensely still, directly between the teen fiction and me. There was no way I could continue on this path without her noticing me. She was already beginning to put down the book.

My body reacted before my mind could process the movement. Before Wendy had looked up from her book I had done a 180 and was headed straight for 'Sci-Fi/Horror'. It was time for 'Plan B', if only I knew what that was.

I rounded the corner and there in front of me crouched, on the ground going through the _Excalibur_ series was Noah: The too good to be true hottie and date from two nights ago. The disappointment hit me hard as I was going to call him tomorrow night and see if he wanted to catch a movie, but now - seeing him in track pants, Birkenstocks, and a stack of Merlin themed books - I knew I couldn't see him again without the fear of being asked to go to the next Fan Expo. I only went to those things by myself with no one's knowledge. He really was too good to be true.

Before he noticed me I quickly made it to the next aisle and found myself in the Erotica section. Seeing as I would now remain dateless for the next little while I decided I might need something to keep me company late at night.

I found the second installment to Anne rice's _The Claiming of Beauty Trilogy, Beauty's Punishment. _ Although the first one had a little too much pony play for my taste, I had to admit that the nights I read from it kept me in a post orgasmic stupor for the next few days. I grabbed the book, as it was now time to get the Breaking Dawn special addition and get the hell out of here.

To avoid bumping into Noah I detoured through the Romance section and peered around the corner to see if Wendy was still browsing through the new fiction paperbacks. _Shit_. She hadn't moved from her spot. I was on a mission now. I knew I had to go around the bookstore in order to get passed her undetected. Time was of the essence as there were only twelve hours left to read if I were to go to sleep at a reasonable time and two of those hours were reserved for the Anne Rice book.

I walked along the farthest wall of the store, made my way up the few steps at the back of the store, and continued along the back wall of the Non Fiction section. Before I made it to the ramp that led to the Children's books I found myself in the Arts and Entertainment area walking towards a smiling RPattz cover photo on the latest unauthorized Rob Pattinson biography.

I quickly looked over both shoulders and surveyed my surroundings. _Alone at last!_ I kept a steady pace and without stopping I grabbed the first book on display and stuck RPattz amongst my pile while continuing to the Children Section.

I was preoccupied with recalculating my schedule to allow myself to go through the Rob Pattinson book before taking pleasure with another. I didn't notice the gaggle of female students, my students, at the 'Bella's reading list' table. At the last moment before, they could spot me; I made a quick escape with a sharp turn to right only to find Wendy three feet away with her back towards me. I was being ambushed!

My only choice left was to hide and take cover. So, before anyone took notice of me, I ran forward and ducked under a table. To my utter surprise and joy, not only had I made it to the teen section; I had sought shelter at the _Twilight_ table.

Crouched under the table, my cheek pressed to the cover of a _New Moon _book, and my left arm sandwiched between my thigh and the ground I began searching through the stack of books beneath the table for the special addition of _Breaking Dawn_.

It felt hopeless. No matter ho hard I searched, every book I picked up had _New Moon_ plastered across the front. _No bookstore needs that many copies of New Moon!_ But I was not going to give up. Not after I had come this far. _For the love of Twilight! I was curled up under a table in Chapters like a hermit crab! _I hunted through the plethora of _New Moon_ Books and finally I spotted one of the stores last copies of the _Breaking Dawn Special Addition_ placed haphazardly on the corner of the neighboring table.

If I were to come out from under the table I would reveal myself to my students or Wendy and that was out of the question. So I did what any other closet Twihard would do. I carefully leaned over the pile I had made in the midst of my hunt and reached across the small aisle between the two tables in an attempt to grab the book. Any normal passerby would have found the disembodied arm in the aisle, should they have guessed my hiding place, somewhat pathetic.

My fingers were only a few inches from the spine and the overwhelming feeling of triumph was beginning to take hold. I was so close. That is until a wandering toddler from the children's area saw me reaching for it and grabbed it for himself before he ran off.

_Shit!_

I took a deep breath. I just needed to follow him. Eventually he would put the book down or his mother, wherever she was, would finally take notice by getting her nose out of her book and take it away from him.

"Can I help you find anything Miss?" Said a velvety voice from behind me.

_So that's what velvet sounds like… and it called me Miss, not ma'am_!

Unfortunately, the voice startled me and instead of gracefully getting up, it caused me to jump and hit my head on the table. To make matters worse the impact made me bite the tip of my tongue.

"Are you okay?"

"I'b gud."

As I stood up and allowed my eyes to refocus the man with the velvet voice was slowly revealed. He had nothing on Rob Pattinson, but he was close. Before I had a chance to ogle him and flirt shamelessly, a tiny terror skittered past in my peripheral vision.

"I got all I need for today."

He glanced down at my selection and gave me a knowing smile. It took me a while to register what he was smiling at; I looked down at my collection of books. _Of all the fucking days to casually meet someone! _

"Have yourself a good day then."

I turned around as McDazzle watched me and walked in the direction of the pintsized book thief.

I tried to focus on the task at hand and ignored the embarrassment that was coming over me. After a few rows of shelves and peaking under a couple of tables I found Klepto-Kid and inconspicuously began to follow him.

How appropriate I thought to my self, as I stalked the little boy that had my book, he was wearing a blue lamb patterned thermal shirt. I followed him to where the bargain books were and watched him approach his mother, who was reading _OK_ magazine.

My heart fell slightly; I knew I shouldn't believe the front cover that had Rob Pattinson with Kristen Stuart on it. The captioned read 'Wedding of the year.' _OK_ was the only Tabloid magazine that ran this story, so it couldn't be true, right?

"Honey can I please have that."

The mother's voice brought me out of my reverie. Finally the mother would take the book away, scold the little brat, and throw the book down on the surface nearest her. I had already decided there was no way this woman had any respect for bookstores. Who goes to Chapters only to stand around and read _OK_? Then I could snag it and get the hell out of here.

I calmly flipped through a cookbook and watched the mother from the corner of my eye take the book from the brat. It would only be seconds before she put the book down and it would be mine.

To my horror she began going through it. This was not good. Then she started looking around. I knew where this was going, I did that plenty of times myself. Before I knew it, she had tucked my book under her arm and walked away.

"Time to go, honey." She called out to her evil book-thieving son.

My shoulders fell as I admitted defeat. Today was not my day to get the book. I would have to order the book off the Internet and wait. I was disappointed as all my efforts to get the book were in vain.

I slowly turned around and proceeded to the checkout as something caught my eye on the shelf across from me. _Hello!_ There sitting by its lonesome self was the _Breaking Dawn Special Addition_. I made a beeline right for it and grabbed it before anyone else had a chance to take it away from me.

"Found what you were looking for?" Said a familiar voice as I took the book.

It was Velvet McDazzle, the almost-as-hot-as-RPattz Chapter employee. I had to save face. I would not allow this man to classify me as a Twihard.

"Actually can you tell me where I can find wrapping paper and a birthday card?" I said as he studied me suspiciously.

My phone chimed and I checked to caller ID. Perfect! Heather was calling me, now I could put my real talent to use.

"Hey Heather." I said as I gave Velvet McDazzle an impish smile.

Heather was going on about some date from hell, but I ignored her and continued.

"Yeah, I know I'm running late. I just have to find a card for Steph and I'll be right there." I looked up to see his eyes falter and look apologetic. If only he knew.

Heather got the hint and remained silent for me. "I'll see you soon, bye." I put the phone back in my purse.

"I'm sorry, I thought… Never mind, just follow me."

I followed Velvet McDazzle's almost-as-hot-as-Rpattz ass to the card section and gave me a bookmark before he left. Not only did he believe my lie, but I also scored his name and number.

With a triumphant smile I made my way over to the check-out with the RPattz biography, Breaking Dawn Special Edition, Beauty's Punishment, a bookmark, Polka dot wrapping paper, a 'Happy 16th Birthday' card, McDazzle's (or should I say Chris') phone number, and my pride intact.

A/N:

What do you think? Let us know by left clicking the review icon.

For those who are disappointed of Rob Pattinson not making an appearance in this episode, do not fret. He will be in the next one, we promise.

The Chronicles of Closet Twihards will return in Episode III: Searching for Bobby Dupea.


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